Kiwanis Club of Paris

Please Note:
All members urged to attend the installation of officers of the Paris Aktion Club tomorrow -- 3:15 PM at HRC.
This is a big moment for our new Aktion Club and for Kiwanis!

Light can travel faster than sound.  That is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Quote of the Week: 
"When things get tough, you get our best performance." --Eli Manning

Spiritual Message of the Week:  "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."  Philippians 4:13

Upcoming Events:  Mark your calendars.
Aktion Club Intallation of Officers--Feb 15
at the Human Resource Center 3:15

February Drawing proceeds goes to:  PCHS After Prom Party

Joke of the Day:
My wife and I were driving down a busy street in Chicago when she saw a sign that said YMCA.    Then she blurted out "Look, they spelled MACY's wrong!"

Quote of the Week:
"I never lost a freestyle race. Never.  Not even in the YMCA.
 --Johnny Weissmuller

Spiritual Message of the Week: 
"That all of them may be one, Father, just as You are in Me and I am in You.  May they also be in Us so that the world may believe that You have sent Me."    John 17:21

Upcoming Events:
Aktion Club installation of officers--Feb 15 at 3:15 at HRC

Please continue selling Kiwanis Calenders.   Any winning numbers that have already passed by will be honored.

Q:  What do cheerleaders drink before they go to a game?
A:  Root Beer!

Trivia of the Week:
Madonna was a cheerleader at the University of Washington before becoming a global icon.  She is without question the most famous former cheerleader.

"You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honor and power, for you created all things, and by your will they were created and have their being"   Revelation 4:11

               Board Meeting News:
Approved Elizabeth Brach as a new member.
Elected John and Brian as club delegates to the International convention in New Orleans.

Congratulations are in order for Brian Blair who was named the 2012 Parisian of the Year at the Chamber of Commerce Annual Banquet.

Joke of the Day:
Two politicians were having a heated debate.  Finally, one of them jumped up and yelled at the other, "What about the powerful interest that controls you?"  And the other politician screamed back, "You leave my wife out of this!"

Quote of the Week:
"I only have one thing to say to tax increasers.  Go ahead--make my day."     Ronald Reagan

Spiritual Message of the Week:
"Be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart, all you who hope in the Lord."  Psalm 31:24

    Club Notes:
Board meeting has been rescheduled for this Friday at H&B's Sports Bar.

Proceeds from Lottery drawings during January will benefit PCHS Key Club.

 Our Autistic Forecast for the Day:
      Scattered Brainstorms

Quote of the week:  "What would happen if the autism gene was eliminated from the gene pool?"  Answer: "You would have a bunch of people standing around in a cave, chatting and socializing and not getting anything done."   Dr. Temple Grandin

Spiritual Message of the Week:
"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."  Romans 12:2

 
Kiwanis Notes:

A board meeting is scheduled for Friday, Jan 13 at H&B's Sportsbar.

We sincerely need your help in selling Kiwanis Calendars.
Please stop by the Edgar County Farm Bureau or see Sara Reedy.

Q:  How many dogs does it take to change a lightbulb?
Boxer:  "Who cares?  I can play with my  squeaky toys in the dark."
Labrador Retriever:  "Oh, me, me, me!!  Please let me change it."
Golden Retriever:  "The day is young, The sun is shining.  Why worry?"
Rottweiler:  "Try and make me."
Border Collie:  "Just one.  Then I'll replace any wiring I find that is not up to code."
Jack Russell Terrier:  "I'll just pop it i while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture."

Quote of the Week:
"The average dog is a much nicer person than the average person."      Andy Rooney

Spiritual Message of the Week:
"Look not mournfully into the past.  It comes not back again.  Wisely improve the present.  It is thine.  Go forth to meet the shadowy future, without fear, and with a human heart."    Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Message from John Vanderheyden, District Governor:
The theme for the year is Raise Them Up.  A message of lifting people in need;  whether physical, spiritual or financial.  We call on every Kiwanian to join us in looking around, identifying someone who has fallen; to reach down and "Raise Them Up."

A New Year Prayer for the Elderly:
God, grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,
The good fortune to run into the ones that I do,
And the eyesight to tell the difference.

Quote of the Week:
"Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each New Year find you a better man."  Benjamin Franklin

Spiritual Message of the Week:
"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation;  old things have passed away; behold, all things have become new.
2 Corinthians 5:17

 
            Ring out the old, ring in the new,
                Ring, happy bells, across the snow:
             The year is going, let him go;
                Ring out the false, ring in the true.
                             Alfred, Lord Tennyson

Joke of the Week:
Q:  If athletes get athlete's foot, what do astronauts get?
A:   Missletoe!
Q:  What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
A:  Ribbon Hood
Q:  What goes Ho, Ho, Swoosh.  Ho, Ho, Swoosh?
A:  Santa caught in a revolving door.

Quote of the Week:
From the movie, It's a Wonderful Life..
Clarence Bailey:  "Strange, isn't it? Each man's life touches so many other lives.  When he isn't around, he leaves an awful hole, doesn't he?"

Spiritual Message of the Week:
"For a child is born to us, a son is given to us.  The government will rest on his shoulders.  And he will be called:  Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace."  Isaiah 9:6

At last Friday's Board meeting, the board:
1.  Renewed our membership with the Chamber of Commerce
2.  Approved senior membership for John Hancock
3.  Heard an exciting report about the recent Aktion Club meeting
4.  Heard a proposal about starting a Kiwanis Club in Lawenceville

          Focus on Santa!
Q:  What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
A:  Claustrophobic
Q:  What do you do if Santa gets stuck in your chimney?
A:  Pour Santa flush on him.
Q:  What do you get if you deep fry Santa Claus?
A:  Chris Cringle

Quote of the Week:
"The higher up you go, the more gentle you have to reach down to help other people succeed."   Rick Castro

Spiritual Message of the Week:
"Man has two great spiritual needs.  One is for foregiveness.  The other is for goodness."    Billy Graham

November club contributions--'tis the season of giving!
  Paris YMCA                  $250
  His Ministry                   250
  Kiwanis Foundation      600
  Spastic Paralysis          1000   (our I-I District project)
  Circle K                         100
  Eliminate Project           750
  Senior Stocking Project     57
  Salvation Army                48

Joke of the day:    A few Elf Jokes
Q:  Why did the elf push his bed into the fireplace?
A:  He wanted to sleep like a log.
Q:  Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
A:  Because he had low elf esteem.
Q:  What do elves learn in school?
A:  The Elf-abet!

Quote of the Week:
"The only real blind person at Christmas time is he who has not Christmas in his heart."  Helen Keller

Spiritual Message of the Week:
"A nation that continues year after year to spend more money on military defense than on programs of social uplift is approaching spiritual doom."     Martin Luther King, Jr.

                        Club Announcements:
Today we are filling stockings for patients at PHS Swing Bed, and the Nursing Home.   Please join us in making the deliveries immediately following our meeting today.  All are welcome!

There is a board meeting scheduled for noon this Friday, Dec 9.

BUMPER STICKERS:
"Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it."
"Out of my mind.  Back in five minutes."
"Lottery:  A tax on people who are bad at math."

Quote of the Week:
"When you stop giving and offering something to the rest of the world, it's time to turn out the lights."   George Burns

Spiritual Message of the Week:
No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other.  You cannot serve God and money."  Matthew 6:24

Maternal and neonatal tetanus kills one baby every nine minutes.  But three doses of a 60-cent vaccine can protect mothers and babies.  With The Eliminate Project, you can save a baby's life.  Give generously to The Eliminate Project.  The goal is to raise $110 million by the end of 2015 so that we can celebrate the conquering of this disease in the same year as we celebrate the 100th anniversary of Kiwanis.

Joke of the Day:
Q:  Which side of the turkey has the most feathers?
A:  The outside!
Q:  What do hippies put on their Thanksgiving potatoes?
A:  Groovy

Quote of the Week:
"A winner is someone who recognizes his God-given talents, works his tail off to develop them into skills, and uses these skills to accomplish his goals."   Larry Bird

Spiritual Message of the Week:
"Do not pray for easy lives.  Pray to be stronger men!  Do not pray for tasks equal to your powers.  Pray for powers equal to your tasks.  Then the doing of your work shall not be a miracle, but you yourself shall be the miracle.  Every day you shall wonder at yourself:  At the richness of life which has come in you by the grace of God."  Phillips Brooks

 
    "ELIMINATE" is the second worldwide service project in the history of Kiwanis.  The goal is to raise $110 million by the end of 2015 so that we can celebrate the conquering of this disease in the same year as we celebrate the 100th anniversay of Kiwanis.     Source:  John E. Vanderheyden, I-I District Governor

Q:  How do you get a Penn State graduate of your front porch?
A:  Pay for the pizza.

Quote of the Week:
"A common mistake people make when trying to design something foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools."    Douglas Adams  (The Hitchhhikers Guide to the Galaxy)  

Spiritual Message of the Week:
"The test of a civilization is in the way that it cares for its helpless members."   Pearl S. Buck

Today's 50-50 proceeds will be donated to the Salvation Army.

Governor Vanderheyden has announced that the theme for our District this year is "Raise Them Up."   It was inspired by the song "You Raise Me Up" performed by Josh Groban.  It is a message of one lifting people who are in need;  whether physical, spiritual or financial.   Everyone in Kiwanis can join in looking around, identifying someone who has fallen; reach down and "Raise Them Up".

Joke of the Day:
Q:  What's the difference between a Northern zoo and a zoo down South?
A:  In a Northern zoo you have the name of the animal and the Latin name underneath.  In a Southern zoo you have the name of the animal and a recipe underneath.

Quote of the Week: 
"I have found that among its other benefits, giving liberates the soul of the giver."   Maya Angelou

Spiritual Message of the Week
"It is more blessed to give than to receive."  Acts 20:35

     "As the current Governor of the Illinois-Eastern Iowa District of Kiwanis, I would like to welcome you to the 2011-2012 Kiwanis Year.  I call on you to rededicate yourself to serving the Children of the World.  Indeed, through the hundred of thousands of service hours performed each year, the world is truly a better place because of Kiwanians."
       John E. Vanderheyden

Joke of the Day:
A deputy sheriff stopped a motorist who was speeding down Route 1 to Paris.  "but officer," the man began, "I can explain."
"Just be quiet," snapped the deputy.  "i'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back."
"But, deputy, I just wanted to say......"
"And I said to keep quiet!  You're going to jail!"
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the Sheriff is at his daughter's wedding... He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."
"Don't count on it,"  answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."

Quote of the Week:
"No amount of law enforcement can solve a problem that goes back to the family."   J. Edgar Hoover

Spiritual Message of the Week:
"For I know the plans I have for you," says the Lord.  "they are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."   Jeremiah 29:11

 Kiwanis News:  Except for the first monday of the month, which goes to the Compassionate Food Pantry, proceeds from our Kiwanis 50/50 lottery drawings will be  donated to the following charities: 
November-- Salvation Army;   December--United Way

Q:  What kind of street does a ghost like best?
A:  A dead end.
Q:  Why do ghosts go to baseball games?
A:  Because they like to boo the umpire.
Q:  What directions did the ghost give the goblin?
A:  "Make a fright turn at the corner."

Quote of the week:
"Neither a lofty degree of intgelligence nor imagination nor both together go to the making of genius.  Love, love, love, that is the soul of genius."   Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

Spiritual message of the week:
"And he hath put a new song in my mouth, even praise unto our God:  many shall see it, and fear, and shall trust in the LORD."
Psalm 40:3

    Congratulations and best wishes to Barbara Bergdolt who has accepted the position of Lt. Governor of Division 26.  It is an honor for the Kiwanis Club of Paris to continue to be represented in this way.   
    We are also very, very proud of Linda Lane who recently completed two terms as Lt. Governor of Division 26.  Thank you Linda.

Q:  Why did the ghost want to be a cheerleader?
A:  Because she wanted to show off her school spirit.

Quote of the week:
"We practice 3 hours a day, 6 days a week, four weeks a month, and 12 months a year, all for 2.5 minutes of routine....is it worth it?.. OH YEAH!"  --  Author Jamie, PA, USA

Spiritual Message of the Week:
"May the Lord direct your hearts into God's love and Christ's perseverance."   2 Thessalonians 3:5

Thanks to Tanner and the PCHS Cheerleaders for taking time from their schedules to meet with us.  We appreciate all you do.

Reminder:  Board meeting Friday at H & B's Sports Bar.

Next Tuesday is our Harvest Shindig.  The noon meeting will be a roundtable only.

Joke of the  day
One Day the Devil challenged the Lord to a baseball game.
Smiling, the Lord proclaimed, "You don't have a chance, I've got Babe Ruth, Mickey Mantle, and all the greatest players up here."
"Yes", laughed the devil, "but I have all the umpires!"

Famous Last Words from Max Baer, Heavyweight Champion boxer 1934-1950:
"Oh God, here I go..."

Spiritual Message of the Week:
"If you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others?  Do not even pagans do that?"  Matthew 5:47

Today we wish to thank our outgoing President, Barb Bergdolt, as well as our club secretary, treasurer, and board of directors for all the time and effort they spent in leading our club through our 75th anniversay year.   Please let these individuals know how much their work has been appreciated.

We also want to wish the very best to the incoming slate of officers and directors. Good luck on a successful Kiwanis Year!

Joke of the Day:
Dispatcher:  0-1-1, what is your emergency?
Caller:  I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner.
Dispatcher:  Do you have an address?
Caller:  No, I'm wearing a blouse and slacks, why?

Quote of the week:
"I tended to faint when I saw accident victims in the emergency ward, during surgery, or while drawing blood."  --Michael Crichton

Spiritual message provided by Human Concerns Committee
"Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different."  --unknown

    Note from John Sanchez:
I wish to thank all who helped in the pancake tent over the weekend.  It is a big undertaking, but the results are definitely worth the time and labor. 

Next week we will induct our new officers and directors with Fred Kreckman doing the honors.

Convention Joke of the Day:
Q:  Why was the psychic's convention cancelled?
A:   For unforeseen circumstances.

Quote of the Week:
You make a living by what you get.  You make a life by what you give. -- Winston Churchill

Spiritual message provided by Human Values Committee:
"The highways of life are full of flat squirrels who couldn't make up their minds."  --unknown

  Important Messages to all Kiwanians:
   
If you have a specific committee, or project idea on which you would like to work next year, please see John Sanchez.  Those not requesting committee assignments will be assigned to committees as in the past.

Please check the back of today's programs.  If your email address or phone numbers are changed, contact Dennis.

Joke of the Day:
Q:  What did one pancake say to the other pancake?
A:  See you on the flip side.

Quote of the week:  
"Donors don't give to institutions.  They invest in ideas and people in whom they believe."  G.T.Smith
(editor's note...Like Kiwanis )

Spiritual message provided by Human Values Committee:
"A great life is born in the soul, grown in the mind, and lived from the heart."  --Suzanne Zoglio

Important Messages to all Kiwanians:
  
If you have a specific committee, or project idea on which you would like to work next year, please see John Sanchez.  Those not requesting committee assignments will be assigned to committees as in the past.

Please check the back of today's programs.  If your email address or phone numbers are changed, contact Dennis.

Joke of the Day:
A ten-year old was becoming quite knowledgeable about the Bible.  Then, one day, she floored her grandmother by asking, "Which Virgin was the mother of Jesus?  The Virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?"

Quote of the Week:
"Let us see that we keep God before our eyes; that we walk in His ways and seek to please and glorify Him in everything, great and small.  Depend upon it, God's work , done in God's way, will never lack God's supplies."--Hudson Taylor, early missionary to China

Spiritual message provided by the Human Values Committee:
"Prayer is not asking for what you think you want, but asking to be changed in ways you can't imagine." --Kathleen Norris

Message to all Kiwanians:  If you have a specific committee, or project idea on which you would like to work next year, please see John Sanchez.  Those not requesting committee assignments will be assigned to committees as in the past.

Please check the back of today's programs.  If your email address or phone numbers are changed, contact Dennis.

            Some jokes to Quack you up.
Q:  What time does a duck get up?
A:  At the quack of dawn.
Q:  What do you call a crate of ducks?
A:  A box of quackers.
Q:  Who stole the soap?
A:  Oh no, could it be, the robber ducky.?

Quote of the Week:
"Is the rich world aware of how four billion of the six billion live?  If we were aware, we would want to help out, we'd want to get involved."   --   Bill Gates

Spiritual message provided by Human Values Committee:
Commit your work to the Lord, and then your plans will succeed.  Proverbs 16:3

Our club is in the process of building an Aktion Club for Paris area adults with disabilities.  There are over 450 clubs serving their communities with more than 9,000 members worldwide.
If you want to know more about Kiwanis Aktion Clubs, go to www.aktionclub.org.  This is a very nice website.

(inside information:  President Barb is planning another Kiwanis trivia quiz soon, so get ready.)

Joke of the Day:
A mouse ran into the hole, frightened with all its life.  "There is a cat outside!"  he said to the second mouse.  The second mouse said, "Don't worry about that."  They could hear the cat outside the mouse hole.  So the second mouse stood by the side of the hole.  "Woof, Woof, Woof!"  The cat took off running.  And the second mouse said, "See, I told you it pays to learn a second language."

Quote of the Week:
"I have but one candle of life to burn, and I would rather burn it out in a land filled with darkness than in a land flooded with light"--John Keith Falconer

Spiritual message provided by Human Values Committee:
Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.  Phillipians 4:8

Question:  What are some ways I can make up missed meetings?
Answer:   Attend a Round table meeting, club board meetings, participate in a club service project, attend the Kiwanis International or District convention, attend a Key Club meeting, or an Aktion Club meeting, or visit the Kiwanis International Office or District Office.

Joke of the Day:
A missionary was walking in Africa when she heard the ominous padding of a lion behind her.  "Oh Lord," prayed the missionary, "Grant in Thy goodness that the lion walking behind me is a good Christian lion."
And then , in the silence that followed, the missionary heard the lion praying too:  "Oh Lord, " he prayed, "I thank Thee for the food which I am about to receive."

Quote of the Week:
"We are debtors to every man to give him the gospel in the same measure in which we have received it."--P.F. Bresee, founder of the Church of the Nazarene

Spiritual Message provided by Human Values Committee:
"The essence of generosity is self-sacrifice."

               Exciting AKTION CLUB NEWS:
Linda & Barb met with Ken Polky, Starr Nelson, and Jonathan Burns from HRC recently.  Jonathan will be our key rep for the new AKTION Club.  Recruitment process for members is underway.  The first AKTION Club meeting is scheduled for October 20!
            NEW I-I DISTRICT OFFICERS:
John Vanderheyden, Governor, Alpine-Rockford Club
John Moreland, Governor-Elect, Clinton, Iowa Club
George Hayward, Treasurer, Rockford Club

You might be a great football fan, if......
1.  You proposed at a tailgate party.
2.  You have ever worn face paint to  Sunday church.
3.  You keep a football playbook in the bathroom.
4.  You named your dog Touchdown.

Quote of the week:
"Nobody who ever gave his best regretted it."  George Halas

Spiritual message provided by Human Values Committee:
"Recipe for success:  Study while others are sleeping; work while others are loafing; prepare while others are playing; and dream while others are wishing."  William A. Ward

"Kiwanian of the Year" Guidelines have been completely changed and were approved last month by the Board or Directors.   Please visit the Kiwanis Club of Paris web-site to view the new and improved set of guidelines.   www.pariskiwanis.org 

Joke of the Day:
A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin, 5, Ryan, 3.  The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.  Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.  "If Jesus were sitting here, He would say, "Let my brother have the first pancake.  I can wait."
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, Ryan, you be Jesus!"

Quote of the Week:

"I think that people want peace so much that one of these days governments had better get out of their way and let htme have it."    Dwight D. Eisenhower

Spiritual Message of the Week:

"The measure of a life, after all, is not its duration, but its donation."   Corrie Ten Boom

A big "THANK-YOU"  to all who sold Racing Programs last week at the  Edgar County Fair.  AND to all who sold advertisements for the programs.    Kiwanis and the Edgar County Fair have enjoyed a mutually beneficial relationship over the years.  Initially, the Edgar County Fair Board came to Kiwanis asking us to help them with the racing programs, as it was too costly for them to continue.  On the other hand, Kiwanis has benefitted from turning the program sales into a fundraiser for community service projects.

Joke of the Day   --   "The Last Request"
A murderer, sitting in the electric chair, was about to be excecuted.  "Have you any last requests?"  asked the chaplain.  "Yes," replied the murderer.  "Will you hold my hand?"

Quote of the Week
"We contacted them to see if it was possible to make a donation like this and the chaplain there welcomed it.  Not only was it welcomed, he said we were filling a definite need."
Melody Knoles

Spiritual message provided by Human Values Committee:
You can't control the lenth of your life, but you can control its width and depth.  You can't control the contours of your face, but you can control its expression.  You can't control the weather, but you can control the atmosphere of your mind.  Why worry about things you can't control when you can keep yourself busy controlling things that depend on you?   Anonymous

A big "THANK YOU"  to everyone that could come out and help collect back-to-school items at Walmart last Saturday.   Your help is greatly appreciated.

Edgar County Fair racing program sales:  Wed & Thursday

                  --IT IS SO HOT--
Birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground.
You can now make instant sun tea.
You learn that your seat belt makes a good branding iron.

Quote of the Week:
"We shall draw from the heart of suffering itself the means of inspiration and survival."   Winston Churchill

Spiritual message provided by Human Values Committee:
"He who lives forever never fears dying."  William Penn

                             Urgent News:
I-I District Governor-elect Mel Peterson passed away following a series of heart attacks suffered while traveling in Europe, after attending the Internationl convention in Geneva.
                    "Back to School" this Saturday
Even if you have not signed up to help collect back-to-school  supplies, please plan to stop by for a few minutes this Saturday to give the volunteers a "BREAK" to step inside and cool down.

                             ---IT WAS SO HOT---
1.  Farmes were selling barbeque directly from the field.
2.  The corn on the stalks started popping.
3.  The trees were whistling for the dogs.
4.   Chickens were laying hard-boiled eggs.

Quote of the Week:
"Everyone talks about the weather, but nobody does anything about it."   Mark Twain

God blesses those who work for peace, for they will be called the children of God.   Matthew 5:9

This Saturday, we are collecting  "back-to-school"  items for needy Edgar County families.  Can you help?  Contact Dianna.

The Edgar County Fair is quickly approaching.  Can you help sell the racing programs on either July 27 or July 28?  See John Sanchez, or sign up during the meeting.

          New fried foods at the Texas State Fair:
Fried Beer--beer-filled pretzel pocket deep fried to golden brown.
Fernie's Fried Club Salad--Super colossal 12" spinach wrap  surrounding diced ham and chicken, shredded iceberg, carrot strips, cherry tomatoes, sharp cheddar and bacon...and then of course, it's deep fried!

      Memorable quote from the movie:  "State Fair"
Harry Ware:  Biggest boar in the world, I bet.
Margy Frake:  All depends on how you spell it.

Spiritual Message provided by Human Values Committee:
Whoever pursues godliness and unfailing love will find life, godliness and honor.  Proverbs 21:21

 
                     Children's Service Project
Can you help collect back to school supplies for needy families?
1.   Mark your calendar for July 23rd.
2.   Plan to help between 8:00 AM and 2:00 PM
3.   Contact Dianna Bennett to sign up.

The summer pun continues!

A dog gave birth to puppies near the road and was ticketed for littering.

When cannibals ate a missionary, they got a taste of religion.

The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

Quote of the Day:
"Because I could not stop for death, He kindly stopped for me;  The carriage held but just ourselves and immortality."   Emily Dickinson

Spiritual Message provided by Human Values Committee:
Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.   Colossians 3:12

                    CHILDREN'S SERVICE PROJECT:
                                    JULY 23
Kiwanis members:  we are collecting school supplies at Walmart for needy families in Edgar County.    Shifts are 90 minutes.
Invite your family to stand with you if possible.  What a great opportunity for your children or grandshildren to start doing service wrok for our community.  Contact Dianna Bennett.  712-6094

Time for more summer pun!
The financial crisis in Japan is really hurting some the banks there.  Following last week's news that Origami Bank had folded, we are hearing that Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank plans to cut back more of its branches.  Karaoke Bank is up for sale and is ( you guessed it) going for a song.

Quote of the Week:
"Disability is a matter of perception.  If you can do just one thing well, you're needed by someone."  Martina Navratilova

Spiritual Message provided by Human Values Committee:
Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.   Psalms 37:4

Kiwanis Aktion Clubs
In October 2000, Kiwanis extended service opportunities to adult citizens living with developmental disabilities through the formation of Aktion Clubs.    To date, there are more than 2,000 members in 89 clubs.

NOTE:  Fair Programs advertisements are due this week.

Time for some summer pun!

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger.  Then it hit me.

Police were called to a daycare where a three-yaer-old was resisting a rest.

A bicycle can't stand on its own because it is two-tired.

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off?  He's all right now.

Quote of the week:
"Insanity is doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results."    Albert Einstein

Spiritual Message provided by Human Values Committee:
For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.   2 Timothy 1:7

EDGAR COUNTY FAIR RACING PROGRAM ADS ARE DUE JUNE 24.

Joke of the Week:
Murphy said to his daughter, "I want you home by eleven o'clock."
She answered, "But Father, I'm no longer a child!"
He said,  "I know, that's why I want you home by eleven."

Quote of the Week:
"Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children;  now I have six children, and no theories."  John Wilmot

Spiritual Message provided by Human Values Committee:
"For we are taking pains to do what is right, not only in the eyes of the Lord but also in the eyes of men." 2 Corinthians 8:21

John says:  "Thanks to all who have volunteered to sell Horse Racing ads."

Ads are due by June 24.

Racing gems:
"I bet  on a great horse yesterday!  It took seven horses to beat him."
"The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip."
"What is one of the hardest times to win a horse race?  12:31, because it is 29 to 1."

Joke of the week:
"Money, horse racing and women, three things the boys just can't figure out."  Will Rogers

Spiritual Message provided by Human Values Committee:
"All your children shall be taught by the Lord, and great shall be the Peace of your children."   Isaiah 54:13

Summer is definitely here.  And the Edgar County Fair is not far off.  It's time to sell advertisements for our racing programs.  Please help John and our club serve community needs by volunteering to help. 

WHEN KIWANIS CALLS, VOLUNTEER!  BE CONNECTED AND COMMITTED AND CONCERNED.

Joke of the day  from the OOPS Category:
Inscribed in stone over the great front doors of an old church being restored was:
"THIS IS THE GATE OF HEAVEN."
Just below it someone had placed a small cardboard sign that read:
"Use Other Entrance."

Quote of the Week:
"Church isn't where you meet.  Church isn't a building.  Church is what you do.  Church is who you are.  Church is the human outworking of the person of Jesus Christ."  Bridget Willard

Spiritual Message of the week, provided by Human Values Committee:
"Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength."  Mark 12:30

Ask the Kiwanis Answer Dude:
Q:   What are some ways that I can make up missed meetings?
A:  You can make up absences by attending board meetings, interclub meetings, helping on service projects, or attending Key Club meetings.

Baseball jokes for today:

The Chicago Cubs...they are at least trying.  They installed a new pitching machine the other day.  It beat them 5-1.

Q:  Heard about the huge oil spill off the coast?
A:  They've hired the Cardinals to help clean it up.  They just go out there and throw in the towel.

Quote of the week:
"I like my players to be married and in debt.  That's the way you motivate them."   Ernie Banks

"Strive for peace with everyone, and for the holiness without which no one will see the Lord."  Hebrews 12:14

Congratulations to:

Kiwanian of the Year:   Linda Lane

Distinguished Members:   Barbara Bergdolt & Linda Lane

Distinguished President:  Dennis Thiel

Distinguished Club:  The Kiwanis Club of Paris, Illinois

Q:  Why was the piano tuner hired to play on the softball team?
A:  Because she had perfect pitch.

Q:  Why did the softball fan take his car to the game?
A:  He heard it was a long drive to center field.

 

"Softball is like love.  First you learn the rules of the game, and then you forget the rules and play from your heart."  Author unknown

Spiritual message provided by Human Values Committee:
"You must each decide in your heart how much to give.  And don't give reluctantly or in response to pressure.  For God loves a person who gives cheerfully."  2 Corinthians 9:7

The sixth permanent Object of Kiwanis International is as follows:
6.  "To cooperate in creating and maintaining that sound public opinion and high idealism which makes possible the increase of righteousness, justice, patriotism, and goodwill."

Congratulations to our 2011 Kiwanis Scholarship winners:
Rachel Givens,  Desiree Edwards, Nora Wright, Aaron Alexander, and Chelsea Piper.

Joke of the Day:
"Give a man a fish and you feed him for a day.
Teach him to use the Internet, and he won't bother you for weeks!"

Quote of the Week:
"A leader is one who knows the way, goes the way, and shows the way."     John C. Maxwell

Spiritual message provided by Spiritual Values Committee:
Hinduism, the world's third largest religion, has many sacred texts, the oldest of which are the VEDAS.  Hindus believe that the texts were recived by scholars direct from God and passed on to the next generations by word of mouth.  From the Yajurveda:  "lead us to the good path and remove the sin that makes us stray and wander."

The program today is our Annual Meeting.
This is the day we elect our board of directors and officers for the coming year.
According to the President's Leadership Guide, it is also proper for the club secretary and club treasurer to present short reports as well.

The third permanent Object of Kiwanis International:
"To develop, by precept and example, a more intelligent, aggressive, and serviceable citizenship."

Joke of the Day: 
Mother Superior calls all the nuns together and says to them, "I must tell you something.  We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."
"Thank, God"  says an elderly nun back.   "I'm so tired of chardonnay."

Quote of the Week:
"Wine makes daily living easier, less hurried, with fewer tensions and more tolerance."   Benjamin Franklin

Spiritual message provided by Spiritual Values Committee:
"Why do you look for the living among the dead?  He is not here; he has risen!"   Luke 24:5b-6a

****May you all have a Blessed Easter week.****

    The second and third Objects of Kiwanis International, approved in 1924 read as follows:
    "To encourage the daily living of the Golden Rule in all human relationships."
    "To promote the adoption and the application of higher social, business, and professional standards."

On a rural road, a state trooper pulled over a farmer and said:  "Sir, do you realize your wife fell out of the car several miles back?"
To which the farmer replied: "Thank God, I thought I had gone deaf!"

Quote of the Week:
"When tillage begins, other arts follow.  The farmers, therefore, are the founders of human civilization."  Daniel Webster

Spiritual Message provided by Human Values Committee:
"..Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave--just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many."  Matthew 20:26b-28

Upcoming events:
Our 75th Anniversary Celebration:  May 3, Castle Finn Winery.

The six Objects of Kiwanis International were approved by Kiwanis club delegates in 1924.  They have remained unchanged through the succeeding decades.

Kiwanis Object No. 1:  To give primacy to the human and spiritual, rather than to the material values of life.

Question:  Why should you never iron a four leaf clover?
Answer:  You don't want to press your luck.

Quote of the Week---
"Ask yourself just as I have often asked myself--do I live out the Golden Rule?  Do I inspire others to join Kinwais by my examples of service?"   Sylvester Neal, President, Kiwanis International

Inspirational Mesage provided by Spiritual Values Committee:
"A generous man will himself be blessed, for he shares his food with the poor."  Proverbs 22:9

At our last Kiwanis Board meeting, the board voted to:
1.  Donate $250 to the After Prom
2.  Donate $300 to Partners in Education.
3.  Change Phil Wright to senior member.
4.  Extend a leave of absence for Marian Pate.

NOTE:  Devin Mason and Richard Yates are using their cell phone numbers for their residence numbers.
Devin:  251-8967    Richard:  822-9283

Broadway Knock Knocks!

Knock Knock!
Who's there?
Stephanie!
Stephanie who?
Stephanie-six trombones led the big parade!

Knock knock!
Who's there?
Sam and Janet
Same and Janet who?
Sam and Janet Evening.....

Quote of the  Week:
"KILL THE BEAST"   -- angry mob

Inspirational message provided by Spiritual Values Committee:
"To do what is right and just is more acceptable to the Lord than sacrifice."  PRoverbs 21:3

Upcoming Events:
April 26--Annual meeting, club elections
May 3--Kiwanis Anniversary Dinner at Castle Finn Winery

Joke of the Week:
A young man agreed to baby-sit one night so a single mother could have an evening out.
At bedtime he sent the youngsters upstairs to bed and settled down to watch football.
One child kep creeping down the stairs, but the young man kept sending him back to bed.
At 9 PM the doorbell rang, it was the next-door neighbor, Mrs. Brown, asking whether her son was there.
The young man brusquely replied, "No."
Just then a little head appeared over the banister and shouted, "I'm here, Mom, but he won't let me go home!"

Today's quote:
"To become a father is not hard.  To be a father is, however."
Wilhelm Busch

Inspirational message provided by Spiritual Values Committee:
"He who pursues righteousness and love finds life, prosperity and honor."  Proverbs 21:21

KIWANIS INTERNATIONAL ONE-DAY PROJECT

++Saturday, March 26:  canvassing on foot.
++Any Tuesday, Wednesday, or Thursday evening: 6 PM at
YES2PCHS headquarters.

Joke of the Day:
A man walking in New York's Central Park sees a Rotweiler attacking a little girl.  He subdues the dog and saves her life.
A passing Fox News reporter says:"you're a hero.  Tonight's TV news bulletin will say: "Brave New Yorker Saves Child."
The man replies: "I'm a tourist from Saudi Arabia."
That night the news on Fox TV says: "Islamic extremist kills New York dog."

Notes from the March 11 Board Meeting:
The board has finished reviewing our club bylaws and will present recommendations to the Bylaws Committee.  Following their report, we will vote on revised bylaws.
The KIWANIS ONE-DAY project will be done March 26 instead of April 2 as originally planned.

Spiritual Message provided by Spiritual Values Committee:
"He who forgiveth, and is reconciled unto his enemy, shall receive his reward from God; for he loveth not the unjust doers."  Kuran

PLEASE HELP:
One of our Kiwanis club's partnered charities is in need of help.
ERBA has been targeted for 50% cuts and possible elimination.
Please go to www.capworks.org and sign the petition to stop the cuts to the "Community Services Block Grant" which is ERBA's core funding grant.   Thank You for your Support.

Joke of the Day:
"I remember the old days of basketball when they shot the ball up at the basket, not down into it.'

Quote of the Week:
"I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career.  I've lost almost 300 games. Twenty six times, I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed.  I've failed over and over and over again in my life.  And that is why I succeed."   Michael Jordan

Inspirational message provided by Spiritual Values Committee:
"The person who looks up to God rarely looks down on people."

Upcoming events:
Board meeting at Tuscany's this Friday at Noon.

Joke of the Day:
While visting a country school, the chairman of the Board of Education became provoked at the noise the unruly students were making in the next room.
Angrily, he opened the door and grabbed one of the taller boys who seemed to be doing most of the talking.  He dragged the boy to the next room and stood him in the corner.
A few minutes later, a small boy stuck his head in the room and pleaded, "Please, sir, may we have our teacher back

"We must act as if our institutions are ours to create, our learning is ours to define, our leadership we seek is ours to become. "
Peter Block--Educational philosopher

Spiritual Message:
I will cause you to walk in the straight way...
I will open to you the gates of righteousness..
For whoever finds ME, finds life.
Psalm 118:19;  Proverbs 8:35-6

Recent board action:  The board voted to accept the resignation of Tammie Pride. 

Joke of the week.
Don't spend $2 to dry-clean a shirt.  Donate it to the Salvation Army instead.  They'll clean it, put it on a hanger.  Next morning, buy it back for  50 cents.

Salvation Army quote of the week:
"People are being generous and I want them to.  But every penny that comes in here marked disaster goes to disaster.  We don't keep anything locally for overhead.  It all goes to disaster."

Spiritual Message provided by Human & Spiritual Aims Committee:
"The Lord is good.  His love endures forever, his faithfulness continues through all generations. "  Psalm  100:5

Upcoming events:

Governor Larry's official visit to Division 26.
TIME:         1:00 P.M.
DATE:         Saturday, February 26
LOCATION:  Tuscany's

Joke of the Week:
A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.  After catching his breath he ordered a banana split. 
The waitress asked kindly, "Crushed nuts?"
"No,"  he replied, "arthritis."

Quote of the Week:
"America will never be destroyed from the outside.  If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves."
Abraham Lincoln

Spiritual Message provided by Human and Spiritual Aims Committee:

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.  In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths."    Proverbs  3:5,6

Please join us in welcoming Governor, Larry Forsberg, to a special luncheon on February 26 at Tuscany's.  Bring your spouse, and guests are welcome.  This is an event you will NOT want to miss!

Joke of the Day:
A duck walked into the drugstore, picked up a ChapStick and said, "Put it on my bill."

Quote of the week:
"The harder you work, the harder it is to surrender."
Vince Lombardi

Spiritual Message provided by Human & Spiritual Values Committee:
"Yesterday is gone.  Tomorrow has not yet come.  We have only today.  Let us begin."   Mother Teresa

The following was mailed to all Paris Kiwanis Club members last fall:
I hope that no matter how long you have been with Kiwanis, you will always say to yourself, "I love the Kiwanis Club of Paris.  My commmunity really is a better place because of us.  I refuse to believe that someday we won't be around. I am going to help my community and find another person to help us." 
Yours in Service, Larry Forsberg   2010-2011 District Governor

Please join us in welcoming Larry to a special luncheon on February 26 at Tuscany's.   Bring your spouse, and guests are welcome.

Joke of the day: 
My favorite cold cereal is the Grape Nuts.  I love Grape Nuts--except, lots of times, I forget to put milk on them the night before I want to eat them.

Quote of the week:   "If we continue wind farming at this rate, we will run out of wind.  There won't even be anough wind left by 2040 to sale a kite."   John Oliver

Spiritual Values Committee:  Spiritual message of the week
"Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened.  Happiness never decreases by being shared."  Teachings of Gautama Buddha

Four members attended the Kiwanis orientation last week hosted by Lt Governor, Linda Lane:  Erin, Marla, Susie, and Karen.   They reported that it was a worthwhile hour spent.  When Kiwanis calls, they will be better equipped to respond to the need.

Please note:  our Kiwanis District Governor is coming to Paris!  Pre-register for his visit which is 1:00 PM at Tuscany's on February 26.
Spouses and guests welcome and all members are urged to attend.

Ten Ways to tell if you've been in Band too long.....
1.  You walk behind someone and you're in step with them.
2.  All your friends are in the band.
3.  You don't mind changing clothes on the bus.
4.  When your uniform fits.
5.  When you've named your plume.
6.  When you have a neck strap tan line.
7.  When you accidently call your band director, "Dad"
8.  You invest in a mouthpiece warmer.
9.   Your social life includes memorizing music.
10.  When you try to guess the tempo of your favorite song.

Quote of the Week:
"All the way through a John Philip Sousa program you can see the old flag waving, hear the clothes flapping on the line in the back yard, and  smell the pork and beans cooking in the kitchen."   The Topeka Daily Capital  1902

Spiritual Values Committee:  Spiritual message of the week
"Do not ask the Lord to guide your footsteps, if you are not willing to move your feet."

The most important event on your Kiwanis calendar is February 26.
Sign up for the Governor's official visit to Division 26--You will not be disappointed. Bring your wife and friends.

At their last regular meeting, the Kiwanis Board authorized a donation of $200 to the Paris High School Drama Parents

                        STUDY OF DOGS
1.  Dogs can look dumb and lovable all at the same time.
2.  When you want to play, they want to play.
3.  When you want to be along they want to play.
4.  They are great at begging.
5.  They will love you forever if you rub their tummies.
6.  They leave their toys everywhere.
7.  They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss.
8.  They lie around all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house.
9.  They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when your'e in the same room.
Conclusion:  They are tiny men in little fur coats.

Quote of the Week:
"You think dogs will not be in heaven?  I tell you, they will be there long before any of us."   Robert Louis Stevenson

Spiritual Values Committee:  Spiritual Message of the Week
"A religion, that is, a true religion, must consist of ideas and facts both;  not of ideas alone without facts, for then it would be mere Philosophy;   nor of facts alone without ideas, of which those facts are symbols, or out of which they arise, or upon which they are grounded;  for then it would be mere History."

Best wishes to President, Barb, who is under the weather today.

A king in the Middle East, down on his luck, tried to hock the fabled jewel know as the "Star of the Euphrates." 
When the pawn broker offerd the king a tenth of what the gem was worth, the indignant monarch asked, "Do you know who I am?" 
The pawnbroker replied, "When you wish to pawn a star, makes no difference who you are."

"Cherish your yesterdays;  Dream your tomorrows;  But live your todays."    --anonymous

Spiritual Values Committee:  Message of the Week
"God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow, sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way."

Please take note of these upcoming events:

January 14:  Board meeting

January 27:  New member/member orientation

February 26:  1:00 P.M.   Official visit of our District Governor, Larry Forsberg.   All members should seriously consider attending.  Spouses are also invited to attend this very special occasion.

A man came home and found his wife with his friend in bed.
Enraged, he shot his friend and killed him.
Then his wife said, "if you behave like this, you will lose ALL your friends."

"Do you realize the responsiblity I carry?  I'm the only person standing between Richard Nixon and the White House."    John F. Kennedy 

Yet the Lord longs to be gracious to you;  he rises to show you compassion.  FOr the Lord is a God of Justice.  Blessed are all who wait on him!   Isaiah 30:18   

The original Kiwanis Motto was:  "WE BUILD".   Kiwanis used this motto for 85 years.  Then in 2005 at the 90th anniversary year, Kiwanis delegates to their International Convention voted to adopt a new motto, "SERVING THE CHILDREN OF THE WORLD" to emphasize the primary focus of Kiwanis service over those nine decades and make a commitment for the years to come.

Today, Kiwanis is a worldwide service organization of men and women who share the challenge of community and world improvement.  Kiwanis has grown to more then 8,400 clubs in 96 nations.  There are about 606,000 active members in Kiwanis representing nearly every culture on every continent, all seeking to impove people's lives.

Ring out the old, ring in the new.
Ring, happy bells, across the snow:
The year is going, let him go:
Ring out the false, ring in the true.
---Alfred Lord Tennyson   1850

"Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better person."  Benjamin Franklin

"Whoever recommends and helps a good cause becomes a partner therein, and whoever recommends and helps an evil cause shares in its burden."  The Qur'an (from Islam) 4:85

The Spiritual Message today is from the religion of Islam whose followers are Muslims.  Muslims believe that the Holy Qur'an contains the words of God and that it was revealed by Muhammad by the archangel Jibril (Gabriel).  The Qur'an was originally in oral and written format, but later assembled into a single book.  Its name is often spelled "Koran" in English.  However, many Muslims find that word to be inacurate.   So that spelling is no longer recommended.

NEW YEAR'S DAY:  "Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions.   Next week, you can begin paving hell with them as usual."    Mark Twain

Tammie went to the Post Office to buy stamps for her Christmas Cards. 
"What denomination?"  asked the postal clerk.
"Oh, good heavens!  Have we come to this?"  said Tammie. 
"Well, give me 30 Catholic, 10 Baptist ones, 20 Methodist, and 40 Presbyterian."

"Christ was born in the first century, yet he belongs to all centuries.  He was born a Jew, yet He belongs to all races.  He was born in Bethlehem, yet He belongs to all countries."  George W. Truett

"She will give birth to a son, and you are to give Him the name Jesus, becuase He will save His people from their sins."
The Holy Bible. Matthew 1:21

Club members are asked to note that on some occasions, spiritual messages from other cultures and religions may be printed in the club bulletin.  They are not meant to supplant Biblical messages, but instead help us understand a little about other Kiwanians around the world.  In so doing we will include some ot their thoughts part of the time.  We are trying to educate ourselves and realize we are truly connected in our emphasis on serving the children of the world, even though our religous faiths may differ.    In other words, Kiwanians all support common human & spiritual values.

A blonde drummer, tired of being ridiculed by his peers, decides to learn how to play some "real" musical instruments.  He goes to a music store, walks in, approaches the store clerk, and says, "I'll take that red trumpet over there, and that accordion."
The store clerk looks at him a bit funny, and replies "OK, you can have the fire extinguisher but the radiator has got to stay!"

"If you have to ask what jazz is, you'll never know."  Louis Armstrong

"The task of leadership is not to put greatness into people, but to elicit it, for the greatness is there already."   John Buchan

News from the Kiwanis Board meeting:
       The board  reviewed Senior membership status.  International by-laws allow individuals who have been club members for 10 years, and who are unable to meet attendance requirments because of health, business, or other extenuating circumstances, to apply for Senior membership.   
       Senior status, however, does deprive the club of meal money each time a senior member is not in attendance.  Senior members receive no other privileges and are expected to participate in club activities and attend meetings when able.
The board reserves the right to be more diligent in adhering to the specifications for senior status.

"Are you like me and think Christmas is starting earler and earlier every year?  For example, all those decorations up on 5th Avenue--those are for next year."    David Letterman

This show choir joke is painful:
Q:  How do you tell when your lead singer is at the door?
A:  He can't find the key and doesn't know when to come in.

"My idea of Christmas, whether old -fashioned or modern, is very simple:  loving others.  Come to think of it, why do we have to wait for Christmas to do that?"  Bob Hope

Kiwanis would like to extend a big welcome to the PCHS SHOW CHOIR under the direction of SUSAN HIDDLE.

News from November Board Meetings:

On a recommendation from the By-Laws Committee, the board voted to increase the number of club directors.  The board may now consist of five to eight directors.

To help with operating expenses, the Board voted to  keep the lottery money we collect each week in the General Fund and pay the donations out of the Community Services Fund. 

Q:  What did the bald man say when he got a comb for Christmas?
A:  Thanks, I'll never part with it!

"Christmas waves a magic wand over this world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful."  Norman Vincent Peale

Hanukkah is the Jewish Feast of Lights.  Hanukkah means "dedication."  This year Hanukkah begins at sundown on December 1 and lasts eight days.  Gifts are exchanged and contributions are made to the poor.

News from the November board meeting:
1.  Two new members were approved:  Mike Shake and Alan Moore.
2.  Leaves of absence were approved for Marion Pate and Joe Scheiner.
3.  Contributions were approved for Kiwanis Spastic Research, Circle K, United Way and HIS Ministry.
4.  The board received a chain-saw carving of KIWANIS from John Swanson.  It had previously belonged to the Early Risers.
5.  A possible dues increase is currently under discussion.

A woman came to the hospital to visit a friend.  She had not been in a hospital for several years and felt very ignorant about all the new technology.   A technician followed her onto the elevator, wheeling a large, intimidating looking machine with tubes and wires and dials. 
"Boy, would I hate to be hooked up to that thing,"  she said.
"So would I," replied the technician. "It's a floor-cleaning maching."

"A Harvard Medical School study has determined that rectal thermometers are still the best way to tell a baby's temperature.  Plus, it really teaches the baby who's boss."     Tina Fey

"God doesn't look at how much we do, but with how much love we do it."  Mother Teresa

We are delighted to have visiting with us today an interclub from the Kiwanis Club of Mattoon.

Did you know that all levels of the Kiwanis family are open to both genders?

Let's keep our community in our minds from now until Christmas especially.  We do have quite a few families that are in need.  Many of them need our time as well as our dime.

I am five feet, three inches tall and pleasingly plump.  AFter I had a minor accident, my mother accompanied me to the emergency room.  The ER nurse asked for my height and weight, and I blurted out, "Five-foot-eight, 125 pounds."

While the nurse pondered over this information, my mother leaned over to me.  "Sweetheart,"  she gently chided, "this is not the Internet."

"We get patients out of emergency rooms faster and provide better patient care because patients are seen sooner and admitted much more quickly than under the old system.  This approach has dramatically improved patient care and flow in our ER."    James Potyka, MD,  President, Emergency Physicians Affiliates, San Antonio, TX

"You shall worship the Lord your God, and I will bless your bread and your water;  and I will take sickness away from among you."  Exodus  23:25

           SIGN UP and BRING A FRIEND/SPOUSE!!
     You don't  want to miss this!  Saturday at Tuscany's!

District Governor, Larry Forsberg and First Lady, Steph Forsberg are visiting Paris.   This is one of the biggest events of the year for our club.  Let's give them a big Kiwanis welcome.

Q:   What do students and teachers have in common secretly?
A:    They both use an asnwer sheet.

When our students began raising donations for Child Abuse Prevention Week, the school administration did its part by setting up a banner by the front door of the lobby.  It read "Please give $1 to help stop child abuse in the front office."

"It is strange perhaps to realize that most people have a desire to love their organizatins.  They love the purpose of their school....They fall in love with the identity that is trying to be expressed.  They connect to the founding vision."   Margaret Wheatley and Kellner Rogers

"The moral sense, or conscience, is as much part of a man as his leg or arm.  It is given to all in a stronger or wearker degree.  It may be strengthened by exercise."   Thomas Jefferson

Our District Governor is coming to Paris!  Plan to bring your spouse and enjoy dinner with him at Tuscany's  at 6:30 P.M. Saturday, November 20.  

There will be a board meeting at noon on Friday at Tuscany's.
 

In a new survey of career criminals serving time in America's federal penitentiaries, a whopping 83 percent of the hardened convicts "strongly object" to the notion of sharing their cells with disgraced CEOs.

For 29 years Alcatraz Island, also known as "The Rock," was one of the most intimidating prisons in the USA.  A 22-acre island a mile and a half from San Francisco, it housed some of the most notorious criminals--from Al Capone to George "Machine Gun" Kelly--and was inescapable.

"And be kind one to another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake has forgiven you."  Ephesians 4:32

Thanks to Dianna Bennett for doing club publicity for the month of September.

Fred Kreckman will duly install our new club officers and directors at next Tuesday's meeting.

OCTOBER 19:  AUTUMN SHINDIG at Malfunction Junction.  Bring your spouse and friends!

School is very important.  Everyone should get at least a high school education--even if they already know everything.

School is where you always try to do your best--except when your friends are watching.

We used to call it "recess."  Today they call it "cease fire."

"What does education often do?  It makes a straight-cut ditch of a free, meandering brook."   Henry David Thoreau

"Train up a child in the way he should go:  and when he is old he will not depart from it."  Proverbs 22:6 

Please turn in your pancake ticket money and unsold tickets to Barb. 
Important:  Turn in your unsold raffle tickets to Brian so that they can be sold during the weekend at the pancake tent and at the car show.

Upcoming Kiwanis events:

October 4:  Installation of New Officers and Directors
October 19:  Kiwanis Harvest Shindig at Malfunction Junction
 

Mrs. Williams was making pancakes for her sons, Justin 5, and Freddy 7.  As usual, the brotheres began to argue over who should get the first pancake.  Their mother saw a wonderful opportunity for a moral lesson.
"If Jesus were sitting at the table, He would say, "Let my brother have the first pancake."
Quick as a flash, Freddy turned to Justin and said, "Justin, today you can be Jesus!"

Pancake Day Customer:  We are in a hurry, will our pancakes be long?
Kiwanian:  "No sir, they will be flat and round like eveyone else's.

"The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves."   W.C. Fields

"If you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you."  Matthew 6:14

Have you sold all your pancake tickest yet?

Important Dates for your calendar:

September 24-27   Honeybee Festival and Pancake Tent
October 5     Installation of New Officers
October 19    Harvest Shindig at Malfunction Junction

Question posed to Johnny Carson on the Tonight Show
Q:   Do you believe in national healthcare?
Carson (as presidential candidate)  "Yes.  The government makes us sick.  The least they can do is make us well."

"I've learned that I should be contentec with whatever little I have.  I shouldn't take things like clean water for granted.  I'll never want to waste my food knowing how hard a lot of Cambodians have to work for food."  Murni--Y Volunteer to Cambodia

"Every calling is great when greatly pursued."  Oliver Wendell Holmes

Today we welcome Susie Jester to our club as our newest member.

Kiwanis members:  keep selling pancake tickets. 

Police were called to a day care where a three-year-old was "resisting a rest."

A college student with a young child was pleased when her daughter became elgible to attend the daycare center at the University.  The director of the day care gave the mother a tour of the facility.  To assure herself of the center's high standards, the young mother asked about the curriculum.
"Well, " said the director, eyes twinkling, "today we are studying the children's favorite philosopher:  Play-Do."

"If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live without you."   Winnie the Pooh

"Happiness cannot be traveled to, owned, earned, worn or consumed.  Happiness is the spiritual experience of living every minute with love, grace, and gratitude."  Dennis Waitley

KIWANIS IS CALLING:   Are you ready to help?  Ticket presales are the best way to insure for event sucess.
Support our club's biggest fundraiser by selling pancake tickets.  

A man was walking on the exercise pathway at a local park with his friend, who happens to be a psychologist.  He says to his friend, "I'm a walking economy. "
The friend asks, "How so?"    
"My hair line is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and both of these together are putting me into a deep depession."

"It is exercise alone that supports the spirits, and keeps the mind in vigor."      Cicero

"God doesn't look at how much we do, but with how much love we do it."    Mother Teresa

Kiwanis provides leadership and service opportunities for youth through its Service Leadership Programs

Key Club (high school), Circle K (college), Builders Clubs (middle school), and K-Kids (elementary school) are part of Kiwanis Service Leadership Programs.

Aktion Clubs are for adults with disabilities.

One day an American woman was walking her dog along a river in Germany.   Suddenly from nowhere,  a gang appeared behind her.  They did not hurt her.  However, they only grabbed her dog and threw it in the water.  The dog started to drown.   A kind German man came along at about that time.  He jumped into the water, and brought the dog to shore. 
"Thank you for saving my dog!"  cried the woman happily.  "Are you a vet?" 
The German replied, "Of course I am vet, I've just been in the vater!"

"Some day, following the example of the United States of America, there will be a United States of Europe."  George Washington

"When you judge another, you do not define them, you define yourself."    Wayne Dyer

There are Six Objects of Kiwanis International:

Object #5:  To provide through Kiwanis Clubs, a practical means to form enduring friendships, to render altruistic service, and to build better communities.

Object #6:  To cooperate in creating and maintaining that sound public opinion and high idealism which make possible the increase of righteousness, justice, patriotism  and good will.

A man was driving along a country road and stopped at a fresh produce stand to buy some sweet corn.  While he was  standing there, he noticed a three-legged chicken racing along the road.  He got in his car and followed the chicken, clocking it at 45 miles per hour.
He returned to the farmstand and asked the farmer about the chicken.  The farmer replied, "well, when I was at the University, I studed genetics.  We love fried chicken around here, and we're all partial to drumsticks.  So I though I'd see if I could make a three legged chicken. So, here it is."
The man was quite impressed.  He asked. "How does it taste?"
The farmer replied, "I don't know.  None of us has been able to catch one yet."

"We are not afraid to entrust the American people with unpleasant facts, foreign ideas, alien philosopies, and competitive values.  For a nation that is afraid to let its people judge the truth and falsehood in an open market is a nation that is afraid of its people."    John Fitzgerald Kennedy

"The things which are seen are temporal; but the things which are not seen are eternal."  II Corinthians 4.1:18

Objects of Kiwanis
Object #3:  To promote the adoption and the application of higher social, business, and professional standards.
Object #4:  To develop, by precept and example, a more intelligent, aggressive, and serviceable citizenship.

So let's talk about Kiwanis.  It reminds me of the pastor who brought up the children for the youth sermon, and he asked, "What do I have in my hand?"  And a little hand shot up and said, "A baseball."
The pastor said, "Right. And what does the baseball remind you of?"  Another little hand shot up and said, "God."
And the pastor said, "The baseball reminds you of God?" 
And the child said, "Well I know you didn't bring us up here to talk about baseball."  (Kiwanis International President, Paul Palazzolo on the 2010 convention being held in Las Vegas)

"When it comes to making a difference in the lives of children, the time is right now."    President, Paul Palazzolo, at Kiwanis International Convention, June 25, 2010.

"But Jesus called them unto him, and said, Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not:  for of such is the kingdom of God.  Luke 18:16

None of us has the time to do what we do in Kiwanis.  But we make the time because what we do is important.  We make time to make a difference.

Please help Kiwanis today in volunteering to sell placemat ads for the Pancake Tent, which is our major fundraiser.

A famous football coach and his wife were talking...
WIFE:  You love football more than me.
FOOTBALL COACH:  You're right, wife, but I love you more than baseball and basketball.

"Individual commitment to a group effort--that is what makes a team work, a company work, a society work, a civilization work."   Vince Lombardi

Therefore encourage  one another and strengthen one another, just as you are doing.k  1 Thessalonians 5:11

Rain has cancelled the horse races for today!  Today's races will be at 1:00 PM tomorrow.  Then after a short intermission, they will have the Wednesday races.   Many thanks to those who signed up to sell programs today.  Also, many thanks to those of you who signed up for Wednesday.  You are still expected to be at the Fairgrounds at noon.  Meet in front of the grandstand offices.

Dianna  thanks all those who volunteered to collect school supplies for area children last Saturday at Walmart.   Donations of supplies or cash would still be very welcome.

In the middle of a trial, the judge asks the defendant:
"You didnt bring your attorney today?"
"No, your honor.  I've decided to tell the truth."

"And then for the first time in history, a Cook County state's attorney was reelected for a third time."  Richard M. Daley

"On good ground are they who, with  an honest and good heart, having heard the word, keep it and bring forth fruit with patience.  Luke 8:15.

Kiwanis is Calling!   Sign-up sheets are circulating.

Our Youth Services Commitee needs your help.  Sign up today to help with our "backpack and school supplies" project.   There are Paris area children who need your help.  We are collecting school supplies at Walmart this Saturday.

You can help raise money for Kiwanis programs by   1)  helping to assemble the Racing Programs this Friday and/or
2)  Selling the programs at the County Fair next week.

Top Perks of Winning the Indianapolis 500:

1.  Honorary New York City  taxi license.
2.  Offers of employment from Dominos Pizza.
3.  Trophy, bouquet of roses, and a big, wet kiss from Jim Nabors.
4.  All the Valvoline a guy can drink.

"I'm very happy with the result, and the reasons we got it were that our pit stops rocked and we had a perfect strategy."
Danica Patrick   No. 7 Team

"There are only two ways to live...one is as though nothing is a miracle...the other is as if everything is."   Albert Einstein

The first two objects of Kiwanis International:

TO GIVE primacy to the human and spiritual, rather than to the material values of life.

TO ENCOURAGE the daily living of the Golden Rule in all human relationships.

Q:  What did the horse say when he fell?
A:  I've fallen and I can't giddy up!

"Be careful about reading health books.  You may die of a misprint."  Mark Twain

"The name of the LORD is a strong tower;  the righteous run to it and are safe."   Proverbs 18:10

Thanks to Linda for presiding over today's meeting while Dennis is out of town.

We will soon be preparing our new committees for the coming fiscal year.  If you have a specific committee which you would like to be a member of, please let Barb know of your preference. 

Please check your information on the back of the program to see if anything needs to be updated.